I live my life on a schedule, how do I get off?

Have you ever noticed that you are relying on your schedule to live your life? Do you find that you are keeping yourself so busy that you don't have time to take a bath because the idea of soaking for even 30 minutes is too much.

When this thought came to me the other day. I was with my husband, I can't remember the conversation or why this phrase was used, all I can remember is the way I felt. It really wasn't that long ago, when I was tied to my schedule. Weather it was for work or the kids, I never had any time to myself to even think. I started to feel like I was a robot just programmed to perform daily tasks.

You see I wasn't always like this, confident in who I am and what I believe in. I used to think that I was supposed to be like everyone else. For a long time I believed that there was something wrong with me, because I did not like the same things my friends did.

As a kid I was the person that put themselves down all the time because I did not know how to deal with .... I can fill in the blank with whatever I want, but the truth is that I was tired of being on everyone else's schedule. I was tired of thinking I needed to act, dress or be like everyone else.

When I got to this point I decided to look at why I felt the need to keep busy. Please know that I didn't come to this conclusion until much later in life when my kids were almost all grown up. I found that I had a lot more time to think. It's amazing what can happen when you stop to think. About anything and everything.

Get in touch with yourself- Identify the situation

Anyone that knows me, knows that I don't do things the conventional way. I like to look at the deeper meaning as to WHY something is happening. I found that whenever I started the process of WHY it always led me back to internalize. It's easy to overwhelm yourself, I recommend starting off slow.

In this case I wanted to know WHY I was running my life by a schedule. First I needed to identify and understand what a schedule was and the purpose of it. Okay, I am not going to bore you with the details of that breakdown, but what I will say is that to be on a schedule is not a bad thing. In fact it can be a great thing depending on how you do it. Planning and organizing keeps us in the social circle of acceptance where we can fulfill the need for attention.

Your probably thinking what does social acceptance have to do with living your life on a schedule. Well... It has a lot, if not all to do with it. If you are someone that needs to be surrounded by people at all times to fill whatever you are missing in life, then you will want to put everything on your schedule , this is what I was ultimately doing.

Now that I understood, I could start seeing how I was allowing myself to take on everyone's plans. By nature I would volunteer for everything that came my way, so it didn't take me too long to notice this patter of behavior.

Since I knew that I could not change my entire life in one day. I started to look at what I could change.

Processing the process

Remember to start small when working on yourself. We are not fast food so there is no need to think that we can just order change and be done. It doesn't work that way. We need to put in the work when we look at ourselves in all situations and allow ourselves time to process.

For me I like to process in a few different ways. One is by starting small and simple. In this case taking a look at my calendar to see where I could make changes. I have to say that this shocked me on how much time I actually had available. I saw that I was in fact not busy but just disorganized.

I realized that I was creating things to do, so that I could avoid doing something that I did not want to do. Sound familiar?

Keeping busy or staying busy is not a bad thing in your life. I want to make that perfectly clear. It's when it becomes controlling or life consuming that's when I would say it's time to maybe take a look at the reasons.

For me, coming to the conclusion that the main reason that I needed to stay busy was to avoid situations that made me uncomfortable really opened my eyes to even more patterns of behavior. Looking inward is never an easy thing to do but it's necessary for us to change our perspective in life.

The next thing I did was meditate. I meditated on why I was behaving like this and then asking to let go of this pattern. By understanding the process of letting go. I was able to face my pattern with the "want" to change instead of the force of change. See when I want something I will pour all my heart and soul into that. But if I feel like it's being forced or placed on me then I will most likely push back or find excuses on why I can't do that thing.

Recognizing the role I was playing made me change my perspective all together.

Changing the response

By Identifying the issue and processing the solution I was able to respond in a way that worked for me.

I made up my mind that I was not going to run my life on a schedule, nor was I going to allow myself to continue to be disorganized. I pick up my calendar and put it in the trash. When I was replacing it, I wanted to find something that would keep me organized. Since we live in the age of technology I knew that it was time to learn how to use the calendar on my phone. I remember the excitement in my eyes when my husband showed me that I could set timers and tasks for myself.

The big take a way here. Is that I could have stayed in my pattern. I could have done nothing but I would have still felt resentment to everyone that I saw as free. Free to do what they wanted at any time. But where was that resentment taking me? How was all that stress that I was creating for myself befitting me? It wasn't helping me get organized that's for sure. Since I am a strong believer that I (you) am the creator of my own happiness therefore I am the only one that can start any type of change.

I challenge you today, to look at how you use your schedule. Are you making time for everyone else first. Take this year and start the process of letting go of the things that no longer serve you. Including needing to be on everyone else's schedule or time line. Always show yourself gratitude for how far you have come even in times of set backs. Love who you are becoming and give yourself grace and love in the process. It's okay to be perfectly imperfect.