If you could have all the confidence in the world, what would that look like?

First let me ask you where do you think confidence comes from?

I think that confidence comes from our beliefs, and values that we are given in life by our family, friends, and society. One of the things that I have learned throughout my journey is that when I look at the root of confidence I find that courage is what drives it. As a child I was very courageous, I would climb trees and jump off of anything without a care in the world. I would debate in class to prove a point and I would always have the last say in an argument. But was I really displaying courage?

As I grow older I found that I was lacking simple courage, even to try something new. I wanted to know how I could go back to that child like mentally that I once had. Since I understood that confidence comes from yourself first. I knew that I needed to get to know who I am. I started slow and found that to have courage or to be courageous was to break any negative belief that I had about myself. This included looking at the inside as well as the outside. For a good part of my life I was severely overweight so looking at the outside was easier than looking inside.

I was able to start changing my level of confidence by making small adjustments to how I was thinking about myself. Remember, I struggled with my weight and it seemed like no matter where I went someone would point it out, or at least I believed they did.

One of the ways I broke this belief was to look at the way I look at people who were overweight like me. Was I placing judgement on them the way I though others were with me. I learned very quickly that most of the time people don't care about you or what you are doing. Most of the time what we see in people that we don't like is based on a belief that we were given as a child.

For example I was given the belief that fat is ugly and that if you are overweight it means that you were lazy and lacked confidence. Well I could say for sure that being overweight did affect my confidence, and in a sense I was being lazy to myself. What I needed at that time was not ways to cover up and hide, I needed ways to let go and to accept who I am the flaws and all.

Whenever I would imagine a confident person. I would think of someone who takes big, bold actions. For me a great example of this is applying for a new position at work or creating an over the top marriage proposing and we have all seen these on Tiktok.

In my research, I found that confidence isn’t something that I need to possess every moment of every day nor is it something that will push me into self-assurance tomorrow. Instead, confidence showed me that it is my choice to take action. In order to set confidence into motion, I needed to practice self-compassion. Learning to speak to myself with kind and loving words, slowly started to change the way I saw myself. I knew that I could either step into acting and believe that I am on the right path or I could sit on the sideline and allow others to write my story.

"I Don't wait until everything is just right. It will never be perfect. There will always be challenges, obstacles and less than perfect conditions. So what? Get started now. With each step you take, you will grow stronger and stronger, more and more skilled, more and more self-confident, and more and more successful." ­- Mark Victor Hansen

WHAT CONFIDENCE ISN'T?

I know that some of us fear confidence because we don’t want to be accused of being arrogance or stepping on anyone's toes. I used to think that way. I was afraid of taking up too much space, or coming off as being a jerk. But confidence isn’t the same as arrogance. In fact, when we feel confident in ourselves, we often become less self-absorbed which will allow us to stop worrying about how we are coming across to people. Start paying more attention to the things around you.

Many of us including myself have struggled with negative self-perception. I now know that the lack of self-confidence can come from not knowing the “rules” of the confidence game.

Let me give you an example. All of our media messages are designed to make us feel like we are lacking something in our life. I remember as a kid the toy commercials made me feel like I was never going to get that easy bake oven. Companies that want to sell us products usually start by making us feel bad about ourselves because you don’t have it. This is often done by introducing a “problem” with your body that you would never have noticed otherwise.

(The movie Mean Girls explains this idea perfectly: The main character, who is new to American and high school culture, after years of homeschooling, she was befriended by a clique of girls who stood around a mirror criticizing themselves. “My hairline is so weird,” says one. “My nail beds suck!” proclaims another. Get the picture)

I have to say that this movie changed the way I saw a lot of things. I'll save that for another day. For now here are some of the things I noticed improved once I started to display self confidence

LESS FEAR AND ANXIETY

INCREASE MOTIVATION

RESILIENCE

IMPROVED MY RELATIONSHIPS

Even though I struggled with my weight once I learned to have courage and get outside of my comfort zone, I found that confidence followed right behind. I started to wear things I always believed didn't look good on me. The next thing I noticed was that the weight was coming off without me even trying. I felt more active and my energy was at a higher level then it ever was.

Lastly, I say that confidence roots you in who you really are. Start accepting your weaknesses, knowing they don’t change your self-worth. Believe you are able to celebrate your strengths and use them for the greater good. Understand that your actions will be in line with your principles, giving you a greater sense of purpose. Know who you are and what you stand for. Show up, stand up, and speak up. In other words, let your best self shine through.

TAKE AWAY

Below are some exercises that I used to start the self confident process.

1. Write down a favorite confidence quote and put it somewhere you’ll see it often.

2. Hang up a picture of a time you felt confident and successful? It could be a graduation photo or anything else that resonates with you. Hang it on your fridge or bathroom mirror, and reflect on the steps it took to get to that point.

3. Try taking a break from social media and TV for a day or even a week. See whether the urge to compare yourself with others starts to subside a little.

I have learned that this is not an easy journey and to please be patient with yourself in your process. Life is not meant to be rainbows and sugar cookies. If you are interested in learning more please check out my services! You want to see more? or Have an interesting topic, leave a comment below with ideas for more content.